Experiential Report: 4-AcO-DMT and Syrian Rue - A Journey into Ego Death and Cosmic Realization

Introduction
Dosage and Initial Effects
- 2.1 Syrian Rue Consumption and Nausea
- 2.2 Onset of the Psychedelic Experience
Cognitive and Emotional Responses
- 3.1 The Sense of Dying and Anxiety
- 3.2 Realizations and Changes in Perception
Visual and Auditory Effects
- 4.1 Music as a Gateway to the Visuals
- 4.2 Transformation of Sound and Vision
Philosophical Insights and Ego Death
- 5.1 A Feeling of Cosmic Unity
- 5.2 Encounter with Ego Death
Post-Trip Experience
- 6.1 Residual Effects and Cognitive Dysfunction
- 6.2 Reflections and Personal Growth
Conclusion

1. Introduction

This report details a personal psychedelic experience involving 4-AcO-DMT and Syrian Rue. The combination of these substances resulted in intense visual, auditory, and emotional effects, along with a profound shift in perception, including a sense of impending death and ultimate ego dissolution. The dosage was 40 mg of 4-AcO-DMT, with the quantity of Syrian Rue left unspecified.

2. Dosage and Initial Effects

2.1 Syrian Rue Consumption and Nausea

The journey began with the ingestion of Syrian Rue, which led to an uncomfortable feeling of nausea. This sensation became particularly apparent as the trip started, contributing to an unease during the onset of the experience. Lying down, with my head elevated on pillows, exacerbated the discomfort, causing further physical unease.

2.2 Onset of the Psychedelic Experience

As the effects of the 4-AcO-DMT began to take hold, I noticed significant changes in my perception. The music we were listening to, Any Colour You Like by Pink Floyd, seemed to manifest in visual form. The cascading synth lines appeared as fibers of light falling over my vision, synchronized with the rhythm of the music. However, alongside these visuals, I became intensely aware of my physical state, particularly my throat.

3. Cognitive and Emotional Responses

3.1 The Sense of Dying and Anxiety

As I lay down, I became hyper-aware of my windpipe and veins. A suffocating feeling overwhelmed me, leading to the perception that I was not getting enough air. This triggered a cascade of thoughts that culminated in the conviction that I was dying. I reflected on the unknown origins of the substance I had ingested, wondering about the people who had made it and the lab where it was produced. This led to a spiraling thought process, making me believe that I had taken one risk too many.

In a panic, I shared my thoughts with my girlfriend, telling her I was dying. She attempted to reassure me, but my sense of doom was overpowering. I also tried to warn a friend not to take any more substances, though it was clear I was lost in my own distress.

3.2 Realizations and Changes in Perception

Despite the intense anxiety that I was about to die, the remainder of the trip took a much more reassuring turn. The experience helped me confront my fear of death and made me reflect on the things I had yet to achieve in life. In the aftermath, this reflection inspired significant changes in my life: I quit a job I hated, traveled, and made personal improvements. This shift in my mindset can be credited, in part, to the trip.

4. Visual and Auditory Effects

4.1 Music as a Gateway to the Visuals

While I was deep in the trip, the music we were listening to played a crucial role in shaping my experience. As I listened to classical Indian music interwoven with chanting, the track morphed into a goatrance song, though this transformation occurred only in my mind. At one point, I distinctly heard a gruff voice saying, “We. Are. One,” which seemed to encapsulate the essence of the experience.

4.2 Transformation of Sound and Vision

After this auditory experience, I closed my eyes and fell forward onto the bed. As I did so, the visuals shifted. The previously vibrant colors faded into a more somber, greyish tone. The scene transformed into something akin to a blend of grey clouds and TV static, which I interpreted as the cosmic radiation I was meant to be a part of. This, however, was likely a manifestation of intense ego death, as I cannot recall much more beyond this stage of the trip.

5. Philosophical Insights and Ego Death

5.1 A Feeling of Cosmic Unity

During the peak of the experience, I became convinced that I was about to merge with the universe itself. I believed I would become an eternal, integral part of space and time. My sense of self seemed to dissolve into something far larger than myself, a part of the universe’s vast, infinite expanse. I felt that I would become a component of the background radiation of the universe or, in some form, its static.

5.2 Encounter with Ego Death

The experience progressed toward what felt like a profound ego death. The visuals softened and merged into a grey cloud-like substance, representing a shift from vibrant color to an almost formless state. The sensation was one of dissolving into the greater cosmos, although I do not recall much more of the experience after this point.

6. Post-Trip Experience

6.1 Residual Effects and Cognitive Dysfunction

Following the peak of the trip, I was left in a somewhat dopey state for about 90 minutes. My cognitive functions seemed dulled, and I had difficulty engaging with simple activities. For example, while watching American Dad, I found it challenging to determine when to laugh. I couldn’t even choose between two episodes, as I was unable to make decisions or think clearly. This mental fog felt uncomfortable and disorienting.

6.2 Reflections and Personal Growth

Despite the disorientation during the aftereffects, the trip ultimately led to a positive shift in my perspective. It helped me confront my fears, particularly the fear of death, and motivated me to make positive changes in my life. The experience also provided me with a renewed appreciation for the interconnectedness of all things, even though it was a difficult and intense journey.

7. Conclusion

In conclusion, the experience with 4-AcO-DMT and Syrian Rue provided a powerful journey into altered states of consciousness, blending intense visuals, philosophical revelations, and moments of anxiety. While the trip initially brought fear and discomfort, it ultimately facilitated significant personal growth and provided a new perspective on life and death. Despite the cognitive dysfunction that followed, the overall experience served as a catalyst for change, encouraging me to live more authentically and pursue personal fulfillment.