A First Bad Trip on Ayahuasca: A Detailed Trip Report


Table of Contents


  • Introduction
  • Report
    • Preparation
    • State of Mind: The Simulation Theory
  • Effects Analysis


Introduction


This trip report recounts my first encounter with a "bad trip" after consuming a combination of Syrian Rue (Peganum harmala) extract and Mimosa Hostilis root bark in an ayahuasca preparation. I have prior experience with a range of psychedelics, including 2C-[B/E], DO[B/M], LSD, mescaline, MDMA, DMT, and ayahuasca itself. Most of my experiences have been solo, without a trip sitter, and without the support of those around me who do not fully understand my interest in psychedelics. This lack of support, combined with the intense nature of the substances involved, contributed to what would become a challenging and difficult experience.


It’s important to note that this report will focus on the most significant aspects of my experience, as there were numerous other effects I can't fully remember. These insights were the most prominent, and I hope to give a thorough understanding of what happened during this intense trip.


Report


Preparation


Before the trip, I had already prepared the necessary substances for the ayahuasca brew. I extracted harmala alkaloids from Syrian Rue (Peganum harmala) seeds, which would serve as the MAOI (monoamine oxidase inhibitor) component of the brew. Typically, I use around 300–500 mg of the resulting goo. I dissolve it in approximately 100 mL of warm juice to speed up the effects. I’ve found that consuming the MAOI in this manner accelerates its action.


For the DMT portion of the ayahuasca mix, I powdered 10 grams of Mimosa Hostilis root bark. To prepare the brew, I blended the powder with a banana, honey, and milk to mask the taste. After waiting for about half an hour following the ingestion of the harmala alkaloids, I drank the smoothie. However, I couldn’t consume the entire amount, and I estimate that I ended up taking about 9 grams of the root bark mixture.


As with most of my trips, my stomach was empty when I began, and I had not eaten for several hours before preparing the brew. To reduce the risk of purging, I ate a slice of bread with honey before drinking the smoothie, which helped keep the entire mixture in my stomach.


State of Mind: The Simulation Theory


A key aspect of this trip, and my overall state of mind, stems from a philosophical theory I had been reflecting on in the weeks leading up to the experience. This theory posits that our reality might be a simulation—an idea popularized by thinkers like Nick Bostrom. The theory suggests that an advanced civilization with vast computing power might simulate the lives of its ancestors as part of a grand experiment or for some other purpose.


During previous trips, this idea had been explored more deeply in my mind, and I had heard voices that seemed to communicate with me. These voices led me to believe that humans were not merely living in a simulation for the sake of entertainment, but that there was a deeper purpose. I began to think that the souls of humans on Earth were being punished and forced to live on this planet until their minds healed and their negative behaviors were corrected.


I began to experience a sensation of interconnectedness with all other humans, as if we were a family, and that other members of this family had sent us to Earth with the intention of helping us grow and improve our souls. This experience felt overwhelmingly profound, and I had the sense that I was being shown something essential about our existence.


The voices and experiences also led me to the realization that, as humans, we should not be able to know that we are living in a simulation. The “creator” of the simulation had apparently built in safeguards to prevent us from gaining knowledge of our true nature. I believed that DMT served as a kind of backdoor or exploit in the system that allowed us to glimpse the truth, bypassing the safeguards that normally kept us from understanding our existence. This realization led to the thought that the combination of MAOIs with DMT might be a loophole that evolution, in its randomness, had not foreseen.


At the time, these reflections were all-consuming, and they formed a central part of the mindset that I carried into the experience. However, they also set the stage for the negative elements that would soon unfold.


Effects Analysis


The effects of combining Syrian Rue with Mimosa Hostilis root bark were intense. The experience began relatively smoothly, but soon began to take a darker turn. Here are the key aspects of my experience, starting with the positive and quickly shifting to the difficult:


Early Effects


The initial effects were similar to those I had experienced in previous trips with ayahuasca or DMT. I felt the onset of the brew, with vivid visual distortions and an altered sense of time. Colors became more saturated, and I noticed a sense of increased awareness in my thoughts and surroundings. My body felt heavy, and there was a distinct sense of being drawn into the experience.


Escalating Intensity


As the effects deepened, the intensity began to escalate. I started to lose my sense of self, and the philosophical thoughts that had been brewing in my mind before the trip became overwhelming. The voices I had heard during previous trips grew louder, and they began to communicate increasingly unsettling ideas. They reinforced the idea that I was trapped in the simulation, but this time, the notion was not one of healing or growth. Instead, it felt like a form of existential punishment. I felt detached from reality, as if I was spiraling into a void that had no end.


Anxiety and Fear


As the trip progressed, I began to feel an acute sense of dread. The interconnectedness that had felt so profound and comforting at first now seemed oppressive. I felt utterly alone, despite the voices, and the idea that I was being punished for some unknown reason began to feel inescapable. There was no clear direction to the thoughts in my mind, only a sense of spiraling into an abyss of fear. The walls of my perception seemed to close in on me.


Physical Effects


In addition to the mental distress, I began to experience strong physical sensations that I had not anticipated. My body felt rigid, and I struggled to stay grounded. I was aware of the space around me, but it felt as though the boundaries of my environment were shifting and warping, amplifying the disorientation.


Conclusion


The combination of Syrian Rue and Mimosa Hostilis resulted in a potent and overwhelming experience. Despite my prior experience with psychedelics, this trip took me into deep, unfamiliar territory. The combination of the philosophical musings on simulation theory, the voices I heard, and the overwhelming physical and mental effects created a “bad trip” that I was not fully prepared for.


The lack of a trip sitter, my emotional state at the time, and the intensity of the substances all contributed to this challenging experience. While I have learned much from this trip, it remains a reminder of the unpredictable nature of psychedelics, even for those with experience.