A Challenging First Psilocybin Trip: A 4.8g Experience

Introduction
Background and Mental Health Context
Preparation and Intentions
Timeline of the Trip
1. Pre-trip Preparations
2. Dosing (8:45 pm - 10:10 pm)
3. The Onset of the Trip (10:40 pm)
4. The Peak Experience
Psychological and Physical Effects
1. Overwhelming Fear and Control Issues
2. Hallucinations and Sensory Distortions
Reflections on Set and Setting
Lessons Learned
Conclusion

1. Introduction

This is the trip report of a 30-year-old male who embarked on his first full psilocybin experience after several months of micro-dosing. In June 2020, he consumed a total of approximately 4.8 grams of psilocybin mushrooms in the form of chocolates and capsules, hoping for deep introspection and healing. Instead, the trip turned into a challenging and humbling ordeal, offering insights into the importance of "set and setting" in psychedelic experiences. This report outlines his experience and reflections on the trip.

2. Background and Mental Health Context

The subject had been dealing with mental health issues for years. He experienced frequent negative self-talk, difficulty connecting with people, an inability to express vulnerability, struggles at work, and even suicidal ideation at one point. These challenges were compounded by overthinking, a disconnect between his feelings and actions, and a tendency to ruminate on the past and future instead of living in the present.

After researching psilocybin for several years, he became convinced of its potential to help him confront and possibly resolve some of these internal struggles. He had previously used micro-doses of mushrooms, which seemed to help, but he had never taken a full trip until this experience.

3. Preparation and Intentions

The intention behind this trip was clear: the subject wanted to dive deep into his mind and explore the healing potential of psilocybin. After years of research and anticipation, he felt that there was nothing left to do but take the plunge. He had originally planned to attend a retreat but had to cancel it, and after months of waiting, he decided to embark on this journey on his own.

However, his preparation was lacking in some key areas. He had not pre-planned a music playlist and was somewhat uncertain about the potency of the mushrooms he was using, as they had been sitting in storage for several months.

4. Timeline of the Trip

A. Pre-trip Preparations

8:45 pm: The subject consumed his first dose of 1.6 grams of psilocybin in the form of chocolate. He began browsing on his computer and tried to find a suitable playlist for the experience, a step he would later regret not preparing earlier.

B. Dosing (8:45 pm - 10:10 pm)

9:45 pm: After an hour without feeling any noticeable effects, he became concerned that the mushrooms may have lost potency during storage. He decided to take a second 1.6-gram dose, bringing his total consumption to 3.2 grams.

10:10 pm: Despite still feeling little, the subject feared that the experience might not reach the intensity he desired. He then ingested the remaining micro-dosing capsules, estimating that these contributed around 1.6 grams more. The total dose now stood at approximately 4.8 grams.

C. The Onset of the Trip (10:40 pm)

By this point, the trip began to take hold, but it was immediately apparent that things were not going as planned. His "set" (mental state) and "setting" (physical environment) were far from ideal, and this contributed to an overwhelming sense of discomfort and fear.

The room around him felt alive, with the walls creaking and groaning. The AC unit behind the wall sounded monstrous, as if it might break through and consume him. Everyday noises, like the sound of water filling the toilet bowl, became sinister and threatening.

When he got up to stop the noise from the toilet, he quickly realized how disoriented he had become. His body felt wavy, his vision distorted, and the world around him was spinning. He barely managed to return to his bed, where he would try to ride out the rest of the trip.

D. The Peak Experience

The peak of the trip arrived, and the subject found himself in a chaotic, hallucinatory landscape. Vivid, colorful hallucinations dominated his field of vision, and his consciousness felt as though it had expanded beyond his body. This expansion of awareness also came with a crushing sense of smallness and insignificance.

The hallucinations were aggressive, advancing towards him, and he felt compelled to search within himself for answers to the issues the mushrooms were presenting. As he began to confront some of his inner fears and made small breakthroughs, the hallucinations became less hostile.

Despite the intensity of the visuals, his awareness shifted inward, forcing him to confront how fear and the desire for control had been driving much of his life. His need to control everything became a central theme of the trip, and he tried to let go of this urge.

5. Psychological and Physical Effects

A. Overwhelming Fear and Control Issues

One of the dominant emotions throughout the trip was fear. The subject felt a constant sense of dread, especially in relation to his physical surroundings, which seemed alive and threatening. His overwhelming need to control the situation only amplified this fear, creating a feedback loop of anxiety.

The mushrooms seemed to be forcing him to confront his deep-seated need for control and his inability to let go of fear. As he became more aware of this internal struggle, he attempted to release his tight grip on control, allowing the experience to unfold more naturally.

B. Hallucinations and Sensory Distortions

The hallucinations were vivid, varied, and at times terrifying. He saw shapes, dragons, and abstract colors dancing through his vision, sometimes in symmetry, sometimes in disarray. At one point, he started moving his body to the rhythm of the music and hallucinations, feeling as though he was "dancing" with them.

Physically, his body felt heavy and his breathing tight, adding to the sense of being overwhelmed. His awareness of his surroundings was minimal as the trip reached its peak, and he had to focus intently on his breathing to maintain a sense of control.

6. Reflections on Set and Setting

The subject quickly realized that his set and setting were not conducive to a positive experience. His dark, eerie room amplified feelings of paranoia and fear. Additionally, the lack of a pre-prepared music playlist forced him to scramble to find something comforting in the midst of the trip, which only worsened his anxiety.

Set and setting are crucial elements in any psychedelic experience, and his lack of attention to these factors played a significant role in the challenges he faced.

7. Lessons Learned

This trip served as a powerful lesson for the subject. He realized how unprepared he had been, both in terms of his mental state and his physical environment. He also became acutely aware of his deep-rooted need for control, which had contributed to his mental health struggles and had manifested intensely during the trip.

Despite the fear and discomfort, the trip provided valuable insights into his psyche and the importance of surrendering to the experience, rather than trying to control it.

8. Conclusion

This challenging first psilocybin trip taught the subject hard but valuable lessons about the importance of set and setting, as well as the role of fear and control in his life. While the experience was far from the peaceful introspection he had hoped for, it opened the door to deeper self-understanding and personal growth. This trip serves as a humbling reminder of the unpredictable nature of psychedelics and the profound insights they can offer, even through difficulty.