A Personal Journey with 4-AcO-DMT: Overcoming Anxiety and Exploring Spirituality
Table of Contents
- Introduction
- Background and Purpose of the Trip
- Pre-trip Preparation
- Use of Ginger Root
- The Beginning of the Trip
- Initial Anxiety and Acceptance
- First Encounters with Familiar Faces
- The Encounter with Visuals and Symbolism
- The Angry God in the Clouds
- Reflection on Christian Imagery
- The Internal Dialogue and Insights
- Conversations with the Cloud Figure
- Communication with “Little Men” in the Brain
- Conclusion
- Overcoming Fear and Anxiety
- A Sense of Healing and Spiritual Connection
1. Introduction
On June 10, 2013, a 19-year-old female with a weight of 45 kg (100 lbs) and an experienced history with psychedelics embarked on a psychedelic journey using 20mg of 4-AcO-DMT, a compound related to psilocybin. The purpose of this trip was not for recreational exploration but to address deep-seated anxieties and to process emotions through introspection. This report details the experience, including the use of ginger root to mitigate nausea, encounters with familiar faces, spiritual symbolism, and insights that emerged during the trip.
2. Background and Purpose of the Trip
The subject had not engaged in a psychedelic experience for over three months due to ongoing anxiety issues. Struggling with both social anxiety and generalized anxiety, she was looking for a therapeutic trip to help ease her back into the psychedelic world. The goal of this journey was to explore personal introspection and to work through her anxiety, particularly regarding her relationships with others, which had been strained due to her tendency to avoid social interaction.
A particular emotional block that the subject had been grappling with was her inability to cry. She hadn’t cried in a long time and felt that a release was necessary for her emotional well-being. She asked the 4-AcO-DMT for help, hoping it would allow her to cry, releasing built-up emotions.
3. Pre-trip Preparation
Use of Ginger Root
In an effort to reduce the nausea that often accompanies psychedelic experiences, the subject took a preemptive approach by using ginger root capsules. She consumed 500mg of ground ginger root, taken in two gel capsules, approximately thirty minutes before ingesting the 4-AcO-DMT. The ginger was specifically intended to help prevent nausea, a common side effect of psychedelics. She later reported that this method worked remarkably well and alleviated her usual discomfort, allowing for a smoother trip.
In fact, the subject found this technique so effective that she planned to incorporate ginger capsules into her routine for future psychedelic experiences.
4. The Beginning of the Trip
Initial Anxiety and Acceptance
At approximately 3:00 PM, the subject prepared for her trip by gathering a bottle of water, putting in her earbuds, and starting her playlist on her iPod. She then smoked hash oil and ingested the 20mg dose of 4-AcO-DMT before stepping outside into the warm, sunny environment. The temperature was around 80°F, and she started her journey by walking along familiar streets in a downtown area.
As the effects of the drug began to take hold, the subject began feeling a sense of anxiety as she experienced the initial stages of the come-up. However, she successfully calmed herself by focusing on her thoughts, acknowledging that the 4-AcO-DMT would likely push her to confront her deepest fears. She mentally prepared herself, saying, "Give them to me one by one."
First Encounters with Familiar Faces
Around 3:35 PM, the subject encountered her ex-boyfriend on the street. Though they remained on good terms and hung out occasionally, her anxiety made these types of social interactions challenging. In the past, she had been avoiding all friends and acquaintances due to her social anxiety. However, upon seeing him, she was surprised to find that her anxiety was not as intense as expected. She managed to hug him, inform him that she was coming up on shrooms, and made plans to meet up later in the weekend. This encounter was seen as a success, a "conquest" of her first social fear, and a sign that she was starting to confront her anxiety head-on.
The subject continued walking, feeling more confident.
5. The Encounter with Visuals and Symbolism
The Angry God in the Clouds
At approximately 3:50 PM, the subject noticed an enhancement in visual acuity, especially when observing the sky and clouds. As she looked up, she saw a powerful and angry god-like figure formed out of clouds. The figure had the traditional features of a Christian god, including a white beard and sharp, pointed ears that conveyed an expression of anger. The god’s arms were outstretched, and surrounding him were angels, also made of clouds. The subject found this imagery surprising, as she didn’t usually expect religious symbols to emerge during her psychedelic experiences, particularly given her agnostic stance and lack of interest in Christianity.
The symbolism in the clouds made the subject reflect on why this “angry god” appeared to be watching her. She noted that the figure resembled certain Christian iconography but also carried its own unique qualities. The emotions she felt from this vision were not of fear, but rather a strange sense of being "blessed" by the wrathful god.
Reflection on Christian Imagery
The subject’s reflections on the angry god continued as she processed the image in the clouds. Her thoughts wandered to the idea of humanity’s imperfection and the existence of evil, which may have been contributing to the god's anger. She experienced a mix of awe and contemplation, considering the god’s possible messages, despite not identifying with any religious ideology.
After the trip, the subject did some research and discovered that the image of the cloud god resembled a painting by Michelangelo, The Creation of the Sun, Moon, and Plants (1511), found on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. While the imagery was similar, the subject’s experience was uniquely shaped by the anger and the lack of certain elements from the original artwork.
6. The Internal Dialogue and Insights
Conversations with the Cloud Figure
As the trip continued, the subject found herself conversing with the angry god in the clouds. At one point, she asked, “Why so angry, god?” to which the voice in the clouds replied, “Yeah, god, why so angry?” This playful exchange seemed to take on a deeper meaning, as the subject then reflected, “I am angry because everything is not perfect. I am angry at myself and humanity for giving into evil…”
After this introspection, she experienced a sense of relief and emotional release. The intensity of the trip began to increase, and the subject reported feeling a shift in her perception.
Communication with "Little Men" in the Brain
As the visuals grew more intense, the subject described encountering “little men” who seemed to reside inside her brain. These figures communicated with her, and she playfully asked them to alter her visual experience. She requested that her vision be shifted to green, but the little men instead changed the visuals to purple, a humorous moment that highlighted the unpredictable nature of her experience.
The subject then attempted to use her mind to overcome fear, asking the little men for help. They agreed to assist, and she envisioned herself cutting her fear with scissors. However, this visualization left her feeling uneasy and unsure of whether she had "cut the right cord." This triggered a strange body sensation, and she began to feel a heightened sense of fear again.
7. Conclusion
Despite the challenges and moments of anxiety, the subject felt a sense of growth and healing by the end of the trip. She had successfully confronted her fears and anxieties, not only about social interactions but also about deeper, internal emotional blocks. The visuals, symbolism, and dialogues during the trip served as a form of introspective therapy, allowing the subject to reflect on her struggles and engage in the healing process. Ultimately, she came away from the experience feeling more at peace with herself and the world around her.
This journey helped her realize that facing her fears, no matter how daunting, could be a crucial step toward personal growth and emotional release. It also confirmed the belief that the psychedelic experience can be a powerful tool for healing when approached with intention and openness.
